Do you regret your slutty years?

I'm curious--most of us are over 35, and most gay men are sluttiest in their 20s and early 30s.

No. I regret I wasn’t sluttier. It wasn’t possible however due to HIV concerns.

I said no - before I saw the “no, but it was a waste of time” - which is much more apt. It really was a massive time and energy suck that accomplished little beyond the 30 second orgasm. Maybe 5% had some meaningful experience attached - but mostly just like masturbating for release. I did spend my 20s working hard on Wall Street and establishing a career - but I was always so envious of the guys who could fuck around and party every night of the week. I think there is a small window when you first come out - maybe 2-4 years - where it is educational. After that it’s just an addiction.

I don’t have regrets in life but it was a waste of time. It was never so much even the sex I was after as the feeling of being validated and wanted…in which case I was seeking it in the wrong place entirely. Looking back now, I kind of feel I didn’t respect or love myself enough.

Definitely wish I had been more slutty before I settled down and started aging. Saw a pic of myself from 30 years ago recently, in my early 20s, and I remember at that time thinking I was nothing special to look at when was fucking hot and didn't know it.

Yes. I was too naïve back then. I came incredibly close of putting myself at risk multiple times.

[quote] it was a waste of time. It was never so much even the sex I was after as the feeling of being validated and wanted…in which case I was seeking it in the wrong place entirely.

Wow! I could have written that. My therapist pointed out that if I needed to validate myself again and again through sexual conquests, then what I was doing wasn’t working very well.

Like r3, I first said: no regrets, but yes, much my whoring was time that could have been spent more productively. Some of those guys might have been something more if I’d handled things differently. And there was definitely an addictive quality to my hooking up.

On the other hand, we are who we are at particular points in our lives, so regrets are pointless.

I was never really slutty. I always preferred a relationship rather than a quick hook-up / one night stand. My quick hook-ups I can count on my fingers. Looking back I perhaps was a bit too selective. On the plus side I don't have any sexually transmitted diseases, hepatitis or HIV like many other gay men I know.

I blame mine on hormones. , it was futile to fight.

[quote]I am not a gay man over 35, but I still want to vote

Is obviously Vivian Vance.

The ones who caught HIV probably do

Because many gay men don't start exploring their sexuality until after their teen years, the slutty phase is a good learning opportunity. It helps us determine who we are and what we want out of a partnership. Some go off the deep end and keep going on and on and on. Most of us mature out of it and realize how empty life can be without companionship.

[quote] it was a waste of time. It was never so much even the sex I was after as the feeling of being validated and wanted…in which case I was seeking it in the wrong place entirely.

So many of us go through that--I'm not sure I would have gained the confidence I have in myself without having dealt with that.

Nope, not at all. I had a blast and had some great sex and loved clubbing. I was always safe even when high as a kite.

I wish I had been a little sluttier in college but AIDS was looming over everything and everyone was scared. But I could have had more fun.

I'm over 35 and I regret NOT having a slutty phase. Even though I've been in a threesome and went to a sex club in Vienna, I've always been way too guarded to really let loose. I recently admitted to a friend that at 39, I've never, ever, ever had what I would call "good sex."

We evolved as hunter gatherers for millions of years and just adopted a settled lifestyle; farming, crafts, civilization, starting 10,000 years ago. For men during all that time our task was to go out each day to hunt prey - kill it- then bring it back to feed the tribe. Hunting and gathering dick and ass is the evolutionary echo

R16 If by 'good sex', you mean porn sex, that's just not realistic. Gay men have had their minds colonized by porn.

Sadly, I have friends, well into their 40's who are still living their slutty years. They have never had partners (it takes too much self sacrifice for them).

I just wonder what they think the point is any more?

It was lots of fun but it was time to move on to deeper relationships

Eldergay here. I'm fortunate that my slutty period occurred in the years immediately before AIDS. It was the early 70's and the period of "free love". I began a monogamous relationship in 1975. That's probably why I'm still here. I lost a great many friends in the years that followed. Do I regret the slutty period? Absolutely not.

OP it depends in how long the slutty years were, and what other important life changes they made.

R21 started a monogamous relationship in 1975. So he does not regret his early slutty years. But if slutty behavior prevented you from from forming an intimate partnership, or realizing your potential in other ways, I can see where regret may come in.

I think it was a distraction from more important things. The time spent on sex and chasing it could have been used in more fulfilling ways.

r1 Have you made up for it since?!

My slutty years petered out as my looks faded but it took decades. I'm content.

I'm happy to be settled now but I ate at the buffet and LIVED, hunty.

Now that I don't have sex any more, what shall I fill my gaping slutvoid with?

^ try Madame Alexander dolls.

I missed out on a lot of opportunities, first because I was closeted and terrified of AIDS, then later because I was shamed into wanting sex in a committed relationship. I wish I realized I could be safe and have fun at the same time.

I regret that I didn't have more sex with older men when i was underage. there were some hot daddy cocks i should have enjoyed more

R29 have you always been a doormat? Are you still?

I think I also missed out on a lot of opportunities during college (late 1990s) but I was scared of HIV. I wish I had done a lot of mutual j/o, oral, frottage and other safe stuff. It would have been a blast. I did even start with that until in grad school in my early 20s.

I'd say 98 percent NO regret.

The atmosphere was really different in the late 80s and early 90s, my formative years and the years I first started to fuck around with other men. There's no regret to it but I do feel conflicted sometimes that it had to all be so closeted. The shame society made us feel - I mean, fuck that noise. Then again, the thrill of something hidden and/or forbidden (within reason, of course) was part of what thrilled me about my hookups, so it became a part of my sexuality and kinks.

I feel sometimes it lasted too long, but right before I settled down I had a long stretch working at a university and living in a university town, and it was a late in the game surge of cock available EVERYWHERE. It was a small rural town which seems like it would be desolate in those terms, but the opposite was true - so many horny guys (of all ages) everywhere. So if there was any curiosity left to satisfy, I got more than enough dick to satisfy it.

But now, I'm really happy to be in a relationship. I never had regret about any of the sex (well, a few I'd love to cross off my list, but who doesn't) but what did start to get me in my 30s was the uncertainty (and sadness) that a relationship might not ever happen or be an option. I'm not drawn to pursuing sex or sluttiness now, because I'm just on a different wavelength and love the intimacy I have with my partner, but I don't regret anything I experienced or learned.

PS - I acknowledge that my experience is very different than most. All of our friends are late 40s early 50s (as are we) and almost all of them followed one of two pathways of experience - they either met and committed to their partners somewhere between 18-25, or they were so fearful about some aspect of what was prevalent then (be it AIDS, violence against gays, etc.) that they waited until they were 30 to have sex, and still do it with the lights off, in a huge veil of shame.

The ones who committed early are all in open relationships. I respect that intellectually and can see where it makes sense for some, but OMFG am I glad I'm not in one, because there's so much fucking constant drama. I like the way things happened for me and for us.

Having never had sex, I can't say I regret my slutty years.

I'm still a total slut, and I'm not (usually) ashamed of it. Mid 40s, bear bod, partnered (we're celibate, actually). Bear bod, mostly bottom, mostly anonymous or FWBs.

Started keeping records of my cumdumpery a few years back. Took 207 loads in 2018, 286 in 2019, 474 in 2020, and 320 so far this year, from 194 different guys. Decided to focus on quality over quantity this year.

Figure I've got 2 or 3 more years of taking loads before I need to really settle down and just be a daddy top.

[quote] Started keeping records of my cumdumpery a few years back. Took 207 loads in 2018, 286 in 2019, 474 in 2020, and 320 so far this year, from 194 different guys. Decided to focus on quality over quantity this year

This is a sexuality so different from mine that we might as well be alien species. ‘Taking loads’ as a measure of…what IS it measuring? Because i get no indication that this process is pleasurable. Is it?

It’s not for me to judge, because you aren’t hurting anyone, but I’m genuinely baffled. 🤔

[quote] Bear bod, mostly bottom

a redundancy if there ever was one

[quote] ‘Taking loads’ as a measure of…what IS it measuring? Because i get no indication that this process is pleasurable. Is it?

R38: I find it pleasurable, most of the time, but it's also an indicator for me of when I need to dial it back a little bit. Reflecting on an encounter and adding it to the tally is pretty hot usually, but it also lets me keep things in perspective a little bit that a fuck was just a fuck. It's my own little ritual. Kind of a way to Marie Kondo my own slutty encounter -- remember that it brought me joy, but that it's over, thank it, and move on to the next one.

I'm 35 and have had sex 4 times, with each hookup coming a few years after the last. I regret wasting my youth and keep trying to force myself to go out and be a slut while I'm still reasonably attractive but so far I haven't been successful. I think I'm afraid that if I managed to be a slut and actually enjoyed it that the regret over missing out for so long would be overwhelming.

[quote] Reflecting on an encounter and adding it to the tally is pretty hot usually, but it also lets me keep things in perspective a little bit that a fuck was just a fuck. It's my own little ritual. Kind of a way to Marie Kondo my own slutty encounter -- remember that it brought me joy, but that it's over, thank it, and move on to the next one.

Hmmmm….fair enough. I won’t say I understand, but i get that each of us makes it through life in our own way. As long as it works for you, i wish you luck. 👍

Thanks, R42. :) I honestly get a lot of assholism (and not the good kind) toward me when I explain it. I appreciate that you're not most folks. :)

[quote] :) I honestly get a lot of assholism (and not the good kind) toward me when I explain it. I appreciate that you're not most folks. :)

I’ll repeat a line i read in ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower:’ ‘be a filter, not a sponge!’ Everyone’s opinion isn’t of equal worth or value. I’m no Wiccan, but i adhere to their slogan: ‘as yee harm none, then do as you will’ (or something like that!).

So many gay men, judged from every angle, are so eager to be the ones hurling stones (this forum is FULL of them!).

Fuck ‘em! (or not!)

Being slutty-- or to put it another way, negotiating sex with a total stranger really helped my confidence and ability to navigate the corporate world. The non-verbal cues of cruising, the confidence to approach, the ability to cut thru the bullshit and get to the point = all useful skills even if you are NOT fucking the boss.

No regrets here at all. And I'm still kinda slutty and proud of it. But very little anal, as I'm mostly a side, although I top once in a blue moon on special request. I cant bottom for reasons

I came out in the early 80's, right at the height of AIDS, but that didnt stop me, I just didnt do anal, just everything else and without restraint, sometimes 2-3 guys a night

[quote]The ones who committed early are all in open relationships. I respect that intellectually and can see where it makes sense for some, but OMFG am I glad I'm not in one, because there's so much fucking constant drama. I like the way things happened for me and for us.

R34 funnily enough I've fund the exact opposite. First relationship was closed, and ... so much drama. Current one open, no drama at all, its the calmest and most stable time I have ever experienced

[quote] [R29] have you always been a doormat? Are you still?

Jesus, that was an extreme reaction.

I know dudes in their 50s who are sluts.

R49 an appropriate question.

[quote] [R49] an appropriate question.

Being terrified of dying of AIDS in the 80s was being a doormat?

Glad I could be a slut and still only have protected sex.

Amazing that nowadays PrEP allows young gays to do that. Are young gays still slitting or has the thought of marriage made them only date?

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